I am confused. No words escape my handprint. No thoughts, no meaning…The Talent has left me. I am scared I’ll turn normal; what I wanted; thus not really within
Some unuals activities have been happening lately. Internally and externally. I cleaned my room. Sorted out my papers. Listened to music and played music…all alone. For more than 3 hours I was alone, on the verge of breaking into tears, thus I continued cleaning, continue thinking, and continued playing on my piano until I was too exhausted to cry anymore.
it is happening again, or is it just time that I am finally learning to be capable of being alone?
“So many questions. So many thoughts. Thus there are simple answers, so simple I can’t reach the thought.”
I don’t play. I never play. But there I was, sitting on my chair, letting my hands flow over the octaves and my eyes skim the notes. It was late at night and raining, thus I played my tunes. I was so scared of touching and making music for way too long… I used to sing through hallways, used to play my songs. What was I so afraid of? Why still, I am? I could have been a dancer, but I let the pain kill my spirit. Which I try to get back now…maybe too late; to become my childhood dream.
I really don’t remember it that well, but I have a picture. Me and my granny dancing when I was young. I was the type of person to sing in class. Sing on the ride home, before I went to bed. Nobody liked it; thus then, when I stopped; they came back asking for my voice that they never had loved!
It was a gloomy evening. The excitement lay in the kid’s lungs. Especially in hers; the one with the blue bun! A wide smile crossed her lips all evening long. She felt fully prepared to perform and sing in front of a big crowd of people who soon to her realization; found her voice not pleasant enough for their ears. Soon after her performance,k she would receive the message that a mother of a child she once knew; disliked her sound. It crashed her evening. it crashed her soul. With one little comment, too personally she took; a girl’s dream crushed. And the light in her began fading away…awaiting years and years of solitude to come. I was that little girl; without mercy, I once was the sun!